Critique of my Personal Statement - urgently?

Your personal statement reflects someone who is being completely honest and sincere. I believe what you have outlined is someone who is enthusiastic and ambitious and not afraid of hard work. Someone who can overcome failure and work hard to achieve the results you had achieved. I wouldn’t worry too much about the mistakes you believe you have made. A perfect personal statement is not what the Institutions are wanting to read they want to be able to get a picture of the person who wrote the personal statement and I believe you have done that. Good luck!